the universe is going to help you, so tighten your seat belt...

this past few months, i've watched my closest friends have drastic things happen in their lives to put them on the direct road to their dreams--from leaving the country, to divorces and rough break-ups, to new careers and business openings.

prior to most of these dream-reaching moments a very painful event has been the catalyst. i've seen the proverbial rugs ripped from under the feet of my friends thus freeing them to pursue their deepest, truest dreams.

amazing.

i'm so happy for each one as every day i watch another friend succeed.

i have learned from watching this that, whatever power it is in this universe you subscribe to, at some point, it has absolutely no problem drop kicking your ass in the direction you need to go.

tighten your seat belt, throw up your hands, and enjoy the ride!

happy thanksgiving...

wishing you all a lovely thanksgiving.

i'm thankful for you, my friends and family, and all the opportunities that i've had this year! 

the horoscope lottery...

yesterday, my horoscope told me to bury myself in my own little world, maybe with music. i took that to mean, put your earbuds in and stay low and quiet.

the writer of the horoscopes for yahoo is one of my favourite writers ever. whoever it is has a great sense of humour and doesn't write the normal horoscope drabble. this person sees me in my grey cubicle land and knows that i need a schnibbit that i can relate with and giggle over.

this person is a real person who has obviously spent time in the real world with the rat race, like the rest of us.

and before you ask, NO, i do not make my life decisions based on the horoscope. i know that i have posted previously some of the horoscopes that have really struck either my funny bone or nailed the day i was having.

i tend to think of it as a little lottery that i play a few times a week--free and fun. yesterday with the earbuds and shut-up, for instance, was dead on. i was snarky and sassy all morning. with that attitude leading my morning, reading that made me laugh and burst the dark cloud that had been hanging over my day--a lottery win!

so, let's laugh about today, because this means absolutely nothing to me. i played a dollar on the scratch off and won a dollar.

however, the whole amoeba analogy is honestly a hoot and whoever you are horoscope writer person... we should do lunch... and buy some lottery tickets.
________
If there's something you're good at, it's knowing when it's time to take a little break from the go-go-go world and spend some time turning the microscope of the mind on yourself. What do you see? Little emotions floating around like amoebas? Changing form? Merging, separating and doing their little amoeba thing? What emotions are those that you're seeing under the glass, do you think? Hmm?
_________

compassion and wisdom...

as a buddhist, i am always striving to reach a balance between compassion and wisdom. i learned at a retreat that each of us is strong in one or the other. really? i was not humble. my inner voice told me that i was secretly much closer to balance than most.

oh brother, thank goodness i never verbalized such hooey. i do, after reflection, think that i am a little heavy on the compassion wing. i say wing because we were told to think of compassion and wisdom as two wings of a bird. if one is heavy, the bird cannot fly, thus the balance we strive to achieve.

so it follows that daily i struggle for balance, and on some days, i'm closer than others. today was not one of those days. today was full of challenges--heavy turbulence, if you will.

all day i could hear my inner voice reminding me to breathe, reminding me that this person who is bugging me is struggling through his day just like me, reminding me to be patient, be mindful, be compassionate.

it is more difficult than i thought--to fly.

did you vote?

i voted. i love voting. i may be a little weird.

i went before work and it wasn't too busy because i don't go to work tooooo early. it was brisk and the leaves were heavy in the church parking lot. i sort of bounded into the cafeteria of the little church on the corner with the snappy sunday signs, that say things like, contrary to popular belief, i love everyone--God.

voting is festive. the people freezing out in front with last minute pamphlets for me are smiling and peppy. the neighbors who rarely give me a passing glance return my hello and follow up with a good old-fashioned "how do you do?" there is giggling in the line and snappy banter with the election workers.

it is fun, but it feels equally sacred. after i sign in and i get into line for the machine, there is an understood nod between me and the person ahead of me. there might be a hushed whisper, but it's very serious business at that point.

taking my place in front of the machine--it's like getting my driver's license all over again. everyone double checks to make sure that we are doing it right. i don't want to screw up! many of us linger to read everything completely so that we feel sure we understand. there is the sound of the electronic "tabs" while i hold my breath.

then the machine asks if i want to submit my ballot? saying yes is a most empowering moment. you, i, we get to voice our choice--something that not everyone has a right to.

we may not see the outcome we individually hoped for, but hitting submit says something. for me, it said, i am an American and i care. i care enough to speak my mind.

i voted.

wait, wait...

there isn't enough time. i took a bunch of days off in october to do the things i wanted and needed to... but, it was the same old story. i never stopped, and i didn't accomplish what i set out to accomplish. even i am tired of my constant recommittment and revised lists. i mean, come onnnnnnn!

october was splendid and delightful and painful and sad and creative and fun--a pretty full plate with all the food groups represented.

and now, it's november.

sigh.
 
time is passing quickly and dreams are fading in the rear view mirror. but, there are new dreams forming ahead at the top of the next hill. i'm grateful for that. i am grateful for the multifaceted life i lead beyond my gray walled cubicle.

i'm not ruling out anything yet. i'm looking forward.

and, i'm making a new list. who knows? maybe this time i will cross off a big one?!

someone you didn't know...

someone you didn't know died yesterday.

i only met her once, but i'm very sad that she is gone.

she worked for a printer we use at my office, and she was based in ohio. she called and emailed a lot.

i didn't like her.

when i saw her number come up on the phone, i would snarl and not answer. when i got an email from her, it was the last one that i would read.

she was... persistent. she was good at her job and super friendly, but the sound of her voice grated on my very last nerve. plus, i always felt pressured by her. i have a lot going on and it felt like she wanted to be first. i didn't like that.

this past april the printer sent her out to meet us all and make a presentation about their company. ugh. really? was that necessary? then i found out they were taking us off-site for lunch and that was appealing.

i have a knack for sitting next to the person who drives me nuts. they end up being my best friend whether i like it or not. it's my karma. it's the way i practice my buddhist ways... patience, compassion, wisdom. the universe insists on teaching me.

well, she sat right down across from me at lunch and listened and chatted very sweetly with everyone. being a person who hates silence, i talked a lot. it's a weakness. she wasn't much older than me, but obviously completely opposite every conceivable way. however, she was undeniably kind to the core--she just beamed. she barely touched her lunch. her back hurt--she thought she'd pulled a muscle.

shortly after she returned home, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and immediately left the company for treatment. the company periodically updated everyone, including us, on her health.

at one point around mid-summer, she sent out a lovely note with photos to everyone about how she had made it through treatment and was enjoying her family. the pictures were of a family wedding and she was clearly happy, sitting next to her boyfriend with her granddaughter in her lap.

yesterday evening she lost her battle, or accepted death-- see it however you like.

i'm sorry that i snarled at you and ignored you. i know you were a lovely person with family and friends who loved you.

thank you for touching my life. you have taught me a valuable lesson and i'll not forget you for it. 

who are you?

i know that it has been some time since i posted. it has been a very bizarre and wonderful year. i hope you are well. :) i am. i am in love and i am working more and more in a field i love. writing, however, has been sadly lacking in my life, as has reading! tsk! tsk!

this post is inspired by this blog. i am a huge fan of this photographer, and i love her shoots of people's homes. i love gazing into the photos at the things that they surround themselves with... the trinkets, the books, the dishes they've chosen. i am fascinated by "stuff".

recently, i went through my home and eliminated trinkets and "things". i sort of wish that i hadn't. perhaps, considering how to display them more creatively would have been a better route. i believe in eliminating things... purging to make room for new things. but, there is something to reminders of memories.

sometimes, i wonder what i'm saying in my space. i worry that perhaps i've eliminated too many things. is my space to sterile of emotion?

there are many books that i haven't read. i swore off keeping them once i've read them, and as i stated above, i've not read much lately--anxiety. MUCH anxiety over unread books.

there are many unfinished projects flung about my tiny apartment. oh, it's neat as a pin, but more anxiety is stacked neatly under the bed in balls of yarn for unfinished sweaters and art supplies that haven't been used and photography things that need desperately to be done.

i'm thinking of doing my own little shoot. perhaps it will give me some insight as to who i am. maybe i just need to sit down and have a good cry... like holly hunter in broadcast news. purge this and regain my focus. streamline and eliminate the clutter.

but, really, how interesting is that?

bridges carry messages...

 when i meet someone, i think about the impact of that moment. i recognize that i never know what is coming, but that tomorrow, i will not be the same person that i am today.

a very good friend has moved home to canada. i'm very happy and excited for him and his future... though change does not come easily for everyone, i watched him embrace it and see where it would take him.

thinking about his return home to PEI reminded me of the day i crossed the confederate bridge last october on my two week journey through canada and maine.

when i got to the bridge, i pulled off to take pictures... it had started to rain on the west side, but the sun was out on the east. i was in awe of the massive structure leading to PEI.

as i began to cross the bridge, november rain came over the radio. for the next thirteen miles, axl sang while it hailed and snowed to my left and the sun beamed brightly to my right.

i believe that things happen for a reason and that bridges carry messages.

attention blog shoppers...

welcome to the new home of my random ranting, notes of melancholy, crafted daydreams and ridiculous exploits... you never know what will be the special of the day. if you remember the k-mart blue light specials... you know where i'm coming from. if not, google it. :)

recently, i've felt it less and less appropriate to carry on and clean the cobwebs of my mind on the misfit hue site as i received more and more photography specific traffic. thus, the birth of the the blu light special.

i've decided to make misfit hue a blog to coincide with misfit hue photography. yes, the fledgling is climbing to the edge and preparing to cannonball from the safety of the dabbling photographer's nest and take it more seriously.

my photography has taken on a life of its own, and as you know, it's my dream to follow the lens wherever it may take me.

but, i've got a lot of other thoughts and things that i'd like to share... that will happen here... so, without out further ado...

attention blog shoppers, we've got a special on isle 13...