the hourglass

i ponder the people

 in the afternoon frenzy,

they dash down the sidewalk-

 bumping into each other,

too much in a hurry

 to murmur polite pardons. 

sensing the grains of the hourglass,

 they quicken their pace,

while the rush of their blood

 hastens as deadlines grow closer.

but what will they feel

 when the realization strikes

that these grains, 

that are finite and precious,

     are few?

what of the deadlines,

 so faithfully kept,

 when there will be

  no more giddy children to delight in,

  no more passionate embraces,

  no more spring picnics to share with a friend,

  no more sunday afternoons graced by

   wind chimes and hummingbirds?

what of these deadlines then?

the sand flows

 unheeded by regrets ...

what more is a lifetime

 than a minute too short?

         .... kymberlie birkenkamp

ticklish lies...

whether or not we heed our intuition, we know when we are being fooled. 

it is late, but upon request... here is one more from the archives. 

endearment...

pillow talk slides off satin sheets

 but the heavy words you whispered

 are treasured amulets of love

 lain around my neck

 with delicate kisses, that 

 hover near my heart 

 still.

the hue of you

until the late 90's, i wrote a lot of poetry. i was lucky enough to have several pieces published, and even had the opportunity to read for the college--something that i found terrifying! it took a lot more work to get your work out there back just before the birth of the internet, even though it was easier than the generation before. :)

i'm not exactly sure when i stopped writing poetry, but i switched to writing papers, feature articles and blogging.

recently, i met someone who writes and i revisited my own work. it's been a long time and i have stacks and stacks of hand written notes and old matrix printer scraps mixed in a file with magazine clippings. i am reminded of an entire lifetime that i'd quietly filed away.

here is a little something i found....

the hue of you

a thousand colors in my world
and i am struck by the blue of you,
the one unattainable hue,
just beyond my reach.
lighter than midday skies,
deeper than the seas,
richer than the cornflower,
violent as a thunder cloud.
you swiftly root
before the sunrise,
in a moment
of the magic hour,
then gone as the golden globe
stretches to caress my hair.
i am left wanting,
as i softly drift into
a fresh memory of you.

resignation

first, i need to say that i am grateful and appreciate the kindness that has been shown to me. i've met some amazing and wonderful people who have evolved into amazing friends.

however, dating is exhausting. i've been an eternal optimist for years... always a cheerleader, always trying to be understood and understanding, always trying to give as much as requested. always with the always.

it's a drag when you get nothing back, or better yet, the break-up. ugh.

i've got a lot to offer. i'm a helluva catch. i have no doubt. i also have no doubt that i've pretty much scoured the city of st. louis and the surrounding areas to no avail. i've always put on my best face, been the best that i can be.... and the big brass ring that i keep getting is the one over the exit sign.

i actually got so angry recently that i resorted to name calling. the very last thing i said to this man ended with me calling him a dumb ass. trust me, it was certainly warranted, but that's not me. i'm not a name caller.

this incident bothers me quite a bit. it isn't the first time that i've lost my temper. in fact, several recent connections have ended due to the gentleman of my affection being on the online dating sites when i was under the impression or had been told that we were either exclusive or into each other.

something about a guy that i'm into going off and looking around online for any reason, whatever the reason, sends me right over the edge. ugh. no matter how hard i try to contain my anger, i eventually lose it. maybe it keeps happening because i need to have a different reaction.

but, what should that be? i just don't know what the appropriate reaction is to that. the only thing i can think of is to have no reaction. i'm not sure how the hell to achieve that because as of yet, i've not heard of an effective way to cap a pissed off volcano.

exhaustion. acceptance. just plain old giving up. that's what i've resorted to. one of my ex-bfs told me that if i was interested in other guys then that was fine, he wouldn't want me if i was. interestingly, he was the one who wandered off.... but, i digress.

he had a good point.

i take it personally--a judgement and the worst kind. i shouldn't and i can take a lot, but this is my achilles heel. some things are ok with me--women who are unaccessible... like women in magazines. oh, knock yourself out! but, someone you can talk with? nope. that's the line... and men are crossing it in herds. HERDS.

oooh i sounds whiny. well. i am tired.

but, i think my point is that dating is hard, in your forties or at any age. i'm so happy for my friends who have found love... that's just huge and incredibly exciting. let me assure you... it probably was not easy.

i think i just need a break... that and it'd be really nice if we could all be just a little nicer to each other. i'm really sorry that i called you a name, dude who will never read this. it wasn't nice and i feel awful about it. but, it would have been really great if you had been nice and not.... well.... a textbook dumb ass.