someone you didn't know...

someone you didn't know died yesterday.

i only met her once, but i'm very sad that she is gone.

she worked for a printer we use at my office, and she was based in ohio. she called and emailed a lot.

i didn't like her.

when i saw her number come up on the phone, i would snarl and not answer. when i got an email from her, it was the last one that i would read.

she was... persistent. she was good at her job and super friendly, but the sound of her voice grated on my very last nerve. plus, i always felt pressured by her. i have a lot going on and it felt like she wanted to be first. i didn't like that.

this past april the printer sent her out to meet us all and make a presentation about their company. ugh. really? was that necessary? then i found out they were taking us off-site for lunch and that was appealing.

i have a knack for sitting next to the person who drives me nuts. they end up being my best friend whether i like it or not. it's my karma. it's the way i practice my buddhist ways... patience, compassion, wisdom. the universe insists on teaching me.

well, she sat right down across from me at lunch and listened and chatted very sweetly with everyone. being a person who hates silence, i talked a lot. it's a weakness. she wasn't much older than me, but obviously completely opposite every conceivable way. however, she was undeniably kind to the core--she just beamed. she barely touched her lunch. her back hurt--she thought she'd pulled a muscle.

shortly after she returned home, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and immediately left the company for treatment. the company periodically updated everyone, including us, on her health.

at one point around mid-summer, she sent out a lovely note with photos to everyone about how she had made it through treatment and was enjoying her family. the pictures were of a family wedding and she was clearly happy, sitting next to her boyfriend with her granddaughter in her lap.

yesterday evening she lost her battle, or accepted death-- see it however you like.

i'm sorry that i snarled at you and ignored you. i know you were a lovely person with family and friends who loved you.

thank you for touching my life. you have taught me a valuable lesson and i'll not forget you for it. 

who are you?

i know that it has been some time since i posted. it has been a very bizarre and wonderful year. i hope you are well. :) i am. i am in love and i am working more and more in a field i love. writing, however, has been sadly lacking in my life, as has reading! tsk! tsk!

this post is inspired by this blog. i am a huge fan of this photographer, and i love her shoots of people's homes. i love gazing into the photos at the things that they surround themselves with... the trinkets, the books, the dishes they've chosen. i am fascinated by "stuff".

recently, i went through my home and eliminated trinkets and "things". i sort of wish that i hadn't. perhaps, considering how to display them more creatively would have been a better route. i believe in eliminating things... purging to make room for new things. but, there is something to reminders of memories.

sometimes, i wonder what i'm saying in my space. i worry that perhaps i've eliminated too many things. is my space to sterile of emotion?

there are many books that i haven't read. i swore off keeping them once i've read them, and as i stated above, i've not read much lately--anxiety. MUCH anxiety over unread books.

there are many unfinished projects flung about my tiny apartment. oh, it's neat as a pin, but more anxiety is stacked neatly under the bed in balls of yarn for unfinished sweaters and art supplies that haven't been used and photography things that need desperately to be done.

i'm thinking of doing my own little shoot. perhaps it will give me some insight as to who i am. maybe i just need to sit down and have a good cry... like holly hunter in broadcast news. purge this and regain my focus. streamline and eliminate the clutter.

but, really, how interesting is that?